can i ask u?

they say a flower can express a thousand words,
but i don't have it now
they say a pencil is better than a memory
but i don't have a pencil now neither i have a paper to write down
i just open my laptop and starts to type what's in my head

but i can't


i feel it would be easier for me if i'm good in arranging words, but i'm not
i feel it would be easier for me if my brain is as fast as my typing to express what i'm feeling now
but i couldn't
i feel it would be easier if someone with a good english is here to help me out
but maybe she wouldn't understand coz i still can't express it in words

i remembered a song "bila hati terasa berat, tak seorang pun mengerti bebanku, ku tanya Yesus apa yang harus kubuat"
i guess it applies for me now
and all i can do is just cry and call His name

tonite seems so quite.. is it because of the holidays or is it really quite?
i am surrounded by people yet i still feel alone and lost

where should i go after all this?
after a long 8 years "finally" accomplishing my degree
where shoould i step in?
after moving from one country to another

suddenly i lost a sense of purpose
i'm not sure anymore

but then i heard a song "because He lives, i can face tomorrow, because He lives all fear are gone, because i know, i know He holds the future. Life is worth of living just because He lives"

should i be afraid? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
should i be worry? i shouldn't! but i am, a bit
i'm only human, but He's not!